Home

Sneaking out of bed and leaving the place I used to call home

To stop the pounding of my heart

Closing my car door softly and turning the lights on low

To quiet the noise of my thoughts

Driving five over and rumbling down the driveway

To walk through the door

I can only sleep in your arms

Sore

My throat feels the way it did after the night I smoked my first and last three cigarettes 

I wonder if it burns from late nights and long talks

Or if the scratching is the truth trying to tear free from my vocal chords

Stay, stay, stay

You don't want me to leave

And I don't want to go

So why won't you ask me to stay

I am all but begging

You're all but showing me the door

There's gotta be another way

If the fight was too hard and the road was too long then can't we just take a break?

Hit the pause button now

Don't press erase

Think about this before it's too late

You carried me and now I'll carry you

Until we can walk hand and hand

Or, if that's too much

We can walk side by side

Friends just enjoying the view

Trust

I wonder how much you told me was true

When you said even if she stripped herself bare

And professed her love

You wouldn't touch her

Because you love me

Was that true?

Or has it already happened?

When you said you couldn't be with anyone

Except me

Because you were too damaged

Was that true?

Or have you already been with her?

When you said she wouldn't follow you

And you wouldn't want her to

Because she had other plans

Was that true?

Or are you already making room in your future?

When you said you would wait

That you wouldn't contact her yet

Because you respected me

That wasn't true

You already have

And if that wasn't true

Then what else is a lie?

See why I couldn't trust you?

Tequila

Tonight I drove after

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Rounds of tequila

And I saw a shooting star

I think

Or maybe it was the

Third

Or forth

Or fifth

Drink that sent stars shooting

But either way I prayed

That if I crashed 

I'd go quickly

Not be deformed 

Or dismembered

But leave quietly

The way that you left me

Promise

I am alone

I am sad

Am I still supposed to pretend you're coming back for me

And that you've just gone to get gummy worms?

N?

My tan hasn't even faded from the trip we took

My ears are still ringing with "I love you"s

I can still taste the berries that weren't poison

Though I sort of wish now that they were

I'm going to run to the corners of the earth

And I'm going to find myself there

In the meantime, my world is sepia-tone

As I check my phone in anticipation of the call that won't come

My things were all in a row

And now I'm just a memory

End

I'll collect my things

Sort through what we combined

I thought if we were more intertwined

It would be harder to leave

But it's just harder to pack

At least there's no puppy

No lease

No rings

Just ties that can easily be severed

With a sentence

A truck

A phone call

A plane ticket

And it will be like I was never here

I'll try to close the door softly

Bones

I wear it everyday

He asks me where it came from

I answer

I don't want there to be secrets between us

Not this time

"I miss her"

I tell him

"I know"

He says

"I never wrote poetry before her"

"Neither did I"

He replies

Be cool

As a rule
I keep my mouth shut
Don't seem
Too:
needy
jealous
concerned
conflicted
I want to make everyone happy
More than I want to make myself happy
I don't fear conflict
But I avoid it
After I've said what I'm feeling
(If I can even decide what I'm feeling long enough to verbalize it)
I can never take it back
And things will never be how they were before
So I hold it in
Until I can't hold any more

21%

21% of me stayed with you
That's the number I've chosen
Even when I was sure that I could survive without you
Even when I insisted we were over
21% of me was whispering I was wrong
I tried to give away the other 79%
And that worked for a while
But, one percent at a time, the 21% grew
And now it's 97%
3% is still cautious
Still afraid of getting hurt
But 97 is so much more than 79
And, slowly,
One-hundredth of a percent at a time
It's growing
Because not even fear can stop me from choosing you